√

checking things off the list feels so efficient.


okay with it √
last opening night with these ridiculously talented people √
battle wounds √
wanting something strange √
some laughs √
no tears √

please let the door repeatedly hit me on the way out.

I am a hypocrite. a big, fat, hypocrite.


I am so aware of it.

seventy days.
the most pathetic part is at this very moment, as I sit here and ungrateful stupid child and can't even appreciate where I'm going and even worse than that, I can't appreciate where I'm coming from.

h y p o c r i t e

pearl

its freaking me out that I can't do this character.
my one objection is to just be as crazy and dumb as possible.


if i can't do this.....
I'm ready to catch a break....
ready for some thing to happen.

autobiographical

Everything that I said I'd do

its deafening, the silence in the tunnel. that is, when the windows are up. this year has only consisted of reevaluating, reexamining, reeverything.
i always thought my eye lids were heavy. but it hasn't been this bad. ever.
Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
The night is here and the day is gone
And the world spins madly on
Everything that I said I'd do
Like make the world brand new
And take the time for you
I just got lost and slept right through the dawn

i lack motivation. [thats no secret] but its getting worse.

fifty-five days, school days.

getting use to the silence, you guys should too.

the truth of the matter is I'm too aware of what i do and don't want.





I don't want this.
thats for sure.

maybe the best decision would just be to buy a plane ticket to anywhere and only turn back once i could wrap my head around spending four more years suffocating [well perhaps]

can I do that?
i mean i know i CAN.
but can I?

its like hawaii, or that chair.

if this is legit,
and actually true,
and actually no bull,

then,
HELL YEAH.

ps. played a character today that was just me, maybe I'm not that different.