PRO

the pro con list is getting bigger.
*all pro con lists are getting bigger.

I like it here,
I just wish I wasn't distracted by the rejection that is waiting for me at home.

it was a reach, I know.
but somehow I thought this was going to be the shock of the year, the good news I've wanted all year, the recognition.
I have no right to complain.
I should have tried harder.
I could have tried harder.

ah well.
okay,
time to be positive, just the pros:

-small department
-one on one training
-alan arkin
-$10,000
-food [ie: THE BEST SANDWICH EVER]
-bolo ties
-art/creative writing program
-snow
-sound stage
-completely, and utterly by myself

you have a good day.

there are few things i like more than a plane ride.

this could be next year.
seat by the window, please.

eat.

if only I realized my patterns.
I obviously don't.

business class is made for sketching

today,
I admire my dad.
as we watched coverage on the newly passed health care bill [yesss] he was drawing. I got up to go up stairs to begin my paper and looked over his shoulder to see what he was drawing.
"figure studies Sarah, figure studies."
"meaning...."
"well, come on, just because I have a job doing exactly what I want to be doing does not mean I get to slack off and stop practicing."

this has been brought to you by father-daughter bonding.

would you believe.....anything?

so I have figured it out:
it won't happen because i can't be that guy again, again, again.
and thats that.
"missed it by that much"

we'll always have cabbage.

it finally wasn't the center piece. we did the thing we always said we would do. and thats why I'm glad we did. it got me thinking, which is what I needed.

the evolution of romance.
hearing her talk about the days with curlers and foyer's as if it was five minutes ago intrigued me. romance was more of an obligation back then but at the same time the formalities of it all made it harder to get to, and who doesn't like hard to get things?

"they met because he came to the all girls house she was living in to pick up another girl. he had flowers and was waiting in the foyer. annie came downstairs in curlers in her hair and told him that her roommate wasn't there; that she was on a trip [she was a stewardess] and forgot to call. then he asked annie if she was interested and she said, 'I'm a mess!' and he said, 'I can wait.' they married six months later."

its all very, "well-only-if-you're-completely-sure" and full of ultimatums now. I hate that. it leads you to wonder what the bullshit is and whats not.
that has been my Rushmore lately. separating the thing I love, and the thing I can't handle allowing myself to buy into.

I always hated the Jay Gatsby.... I would always pick Nick Carraway.
Although...I say that now and still allowed a great deal of Nick Carraway's slip through.

but I'll always love cabbage, because its such a spectacular center piece, not for the taste.

dear atticus finch,

and by atticus finch,
I mean gregory peck,

lets hang out,
go on holiday,
talk concepts.
you can teach me how to get things right the first time.