baby you cannot drive my car.

its so much more than that.

size seven and a half to eight.

but what if i kinda feel like I'll only fit at one of the places I'm applying? Its funny. When everyone else around of you doesn't get it either but they all pretend to get it because its scarier not to. that doesn't work for me. percentages bug me. numbers make my skin crawl.
requirements bum me out. but it by no means makes me less of a contribution to whats here right now. because i care so goddamn much. and I guess, if they see that I'll be accepted.

if not, hello foot steps, allow me to follow you.

hey you!

................YES YOU!

a pleasanter sound.

I play out two versions in my head. but each time I feel a different way.
in the first, it all ends up the way we both want it. one of those split seconds you can't shake.
the second, ends up being nearly the same.
except
not.




I spend a lot of time thinking in terms of the people around me. and thinking in terms of fictitious characters.
its one of my more redeeming qualities.
and one of my least favorites.

If only I could translate some emotion in her. being her is like being all the vulnerable parts of myself. but its not translating.
i can't put my finger on why.

just watch the screen. not the man in front of you.

does ANYONE remember laughter?

you are so him.
its not even your fault.
not really anyway.
its fascinating how that one scene can instantly change my mood. no matter what.
the trouble is, you're nice.
very nice.
too nice.
but you're always going to be the enemy.
what I can't understand is how I seem to be so many things to you. and yet, you're just one thing to me.
as soon as I figure out what that is I'll let you know.

ha. i remember when i was a cold turkey.
the cycle is strange.

mariner's [not] revenge

"its gooooood."
ya know whats better? the fact that no matter what, it will always come back.


i really need to start filling out college apps.
its just daunting.
-->that piano player leaned over to me months ago and said, "isn't it funny that once its finally your turn it doesn't feel like your turn?"
It was the first absolutely true statement I had heard in a long long time.
I've been spending far too much time admiring people to notice, I'm up.

our awkward love affair

lets go again.

I'm mentally preparing myself for them to leave. I know it may be too soon but it has to be done. because what if i stay behind?

my love affair with them will be tough to not have every day.

a little less than ten months. i hope it goes by slow.... and fast.