wishin' and ________

We sat across her little kitchen table and I picked at my brunch. Initially it was my lack of appetite that startled her.
I mumbled an apology and continued to pick at my food.

"I just can't understand it," she said peering at me over her glasses.
"You can't understand what?"
"Where is all of your hope?"
"My hope?"
"Darlin', the reason why you're my favorite is because you have all of this hope. You believe in people, you're so trusting. But sitting here with you for twenty minutes, I can tell, that your hope is gone. Where did it go?"
"I'm not sure..."
"Find it."

So I began to look.

First I looked under the table and it wasn't there. Then I looked under my bed.... [i just realized what a great childrens book this would be]

I looked at my long lost friend as we pulled up to my house.
"The thing that I learned, honestly: When it's good, just let it be good," he said clearing his throat. "You're too worried about the expiration date. Just enjoy each other while you're together. Don't spend anytime without trust."

He's right.
and so is she.

shake it out.

I've had the sudden urge to sing again.

And today as the water beat down on my back and the water dripped down your face and your crescent moon smile broke open and became a huge half moon,
I couldn't help but laugh.
My brain ached with the familiar and new feeling of all the blood rushing to my head and quickly leave.
But you were looking at me and I was looking at you.

"How have you been doing with...that?" he asked trying to run his fingers through my hair.
"I've been too happy with you these past couple days to think about it."
"But, how are you."
"I'm not ready to leave."

no man is an island.

I don't know who said it, but someone said no man is an island.

I felt like I was on my own private island for about twenty-four hours.
With all the uncertainty and jealous and fear on my part it became so apparent how much he loves me.

I have spent a lot of time wanting it yet resisting it because I don't believe it to be true. I was not raised watching an affectionate relationship. so how could this be? because I always have some sort of frame of reference.
We just made it.

Still in spite of everything I have a fear in the back of my aching mind that I'm not coming back. That the doctor is going to tell me something bad.

i want to stay on the island.