the thing is my heart is broken.

I sat on my back deck after a confusing conversation looking out at the tree in my backyard. I tried to say what was true but they didn't get it. It just seemed dramatic to them.

It's like when Masha says, "I love- I love- I love" Why does she say it three times? because she doesn't know that she truly means it until the third one.

I gave it everything I had. I gave her everything I have. I gave it so much.

So much of myself. I use to not be able to give anything and now I give too much.

The silver lining is at least one person that truly deserves to be cast got it. And she sat through three shows that she could have easily done but didn't get the chance to. And that's worth it. That's worth everything.

The irony of it all is I'm a master at rejection. Just not this time. This time I cared too much.