the thing is my heart is broken.
I sat on my back deck after a confusing conversation looking out at the tree in my backyard. I tried to say what was true but they didn't get it. It just seemed dramatic to them.
It's like when Masha says, "I love- I love- I love" Why does she say it three times? because she doesn't know that she truly means it until the third one.
I gave it everything I had. I gave her everything I have. I gave it so much.
So much of myself. I use to not be able to give anything and now I give too much.
The silver lining is at least one person that truly deserves to be cast got it. And she sat through three shows that she could have easily done but didn't get the chance to. And that's worth it. That's worth everything.
The irony of it all is I'm a master at rejection. Just not this time. This time I cared too much.
Gosh, I'm full of so many similar feelings, my dear.
ReplyDeleteLet me know if you need to talk and/or booze and/or run around in the forest in the middle of the night.
it's hard not getting what you want, but there ARE others who didn't get what they wanted and had less than you to begin with. I second what ginger said (probably minus the boozing and forrest running) but the talking I can do.
ReplyDeleteSee that's just the thing. I am not going to feel guilty for working my ass off here. Every part I got was because I worked for it. This is a blog where I talk about myself. Do i wish everyone could get what they want, of COURSE.
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