Table 13

It's very likely I have already used this quote for some sort of entry. 

I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity, and her flaming self respect. And it’s these things I’d believe in, even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn’t all she should be. I love her and it is the beginning of everything.  
-F. Scott Fitzgerald 

I've been thinking about love a lot lately. The different forms. The different kinds of love for different people. There is a certain kind of love that I have for my best friend that is different for my other best friend. And the same goes for the first time I was in love and the second and the third...

We went to a wedding. Not all of us but a few. I sat alone at the ceremony because my mother vacated her seat to take pictures. I watched two people promise each other a lot of things and I thought about my future. It was my first time being at a wedding feeling like an adult. Feeling as though some day people would all be watching me say true things to someone.  

That idea doesn't repulse me anymore.

I hope someday someone will want to stand up and say that to me in front of everyone. Without me asking. Without me convincing them or fishing for something. 
Now that I know what that kind of feels like, that's what I'll expect. 


The boy that was almost a man and I stood by the bar. I drank whiskey, he drank rum. 

"Do you love her?" I asked. 
"Yup."