This is usually true for me.
At 10:15pm just before we touched down in Los Angeles, I looked out the window of the airplane and listened to a song. I felt the lump in the throat rise and all I could think was how inappropriate it would be to start crying on this airplane.
Especially because I had absolutely no reason to cry.
I was happy.
I finished the most personally challenging year of my life, I was about to be home and see my friends, I was in love again...
and that is when it happened.
It was one of those strangled pathetic sobs that you try to hold in as long as you can but at some point it just comes out.
I covered my mouth, looked over at the older woman a seat away and smiled apologetically. She looked back and smiled. I turned my attention back to the lights outside and it happened again. Then the tears fell and I couldn't stop them. I was mortified.
The older woman put her hand on mine.
"Are you alright?"
"Yes. Yeah. I'm okay. This is so embarrassing, I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize to me. What is the matter? If you don't mind me asking."
"I don't. It was a tough year. When I say that it sounds stupid it. It sounds like something horrible happened to me. No one died, I didn't get hurt or diagnosed with some disease, it was just hard. I was tested. I've known who I am for so long and this is the first year I questioned all of that."
I stopped. I couldn't believe I had just told a stranger all that. Usually its strangers that tell me whats wrong in their life, not the other way around.
"Sorry. That was a lot of unloading on you."
"I don't mind. I'm sure you would listen to me if I had something to say."
She squeezed my hand.
"Its okay to question everything, to not have a handle on things. Trust me. You have time, but don't wait around for everything to happen."
"I don't plan on it. Thank you for listening."
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