thingthingthingthangthingthing

a lot of things on my mind.

things. you know, it has just occurred to me that I always speak generally. things. and when i don't finish sentences. I say "ya know?" because I want someone to say: "Yes. I do know" but it doesn't happen.

things
-noun

1.a material object without life or consciousness; an inanimate object.

2.some entity, object, or creature that is not or cannot be specifically designated or precisely described.

3.anything that is or may become an object of thought: things of the spirit.

4.things, matters; affairs: Things are going well now.

5.a fact, circumstance, or state of affairs: It is a curious thing.

6.an action, deed, event, or performance: to do great things; His death was a horrible thing.

7.a particular, respect, or detail: perfect in all things.

the funniest part about things is that I don't feel anything. but at the same time i feel everything.

my sweet, best friend of a grandma fell today. smack on her face. her right eye is the size of a tennis ball. and I attempted to joke with her, make things okay. of course they weren't. I listen to her intently as she refers to my deceased grandpa as "her boyfriend" and i watch her talk about him. his hair. his laugh. I see something I gotta have. yet she reminds me, "it wasn't always like that. somedays you just can't do things." then we return home and the silence is deafening. I can't hang with that. I can't comprehend that. If its this loud now, I can't even begin to imagine it next year. They can't either I'm guessing.

at least I was reminded of it last night. at least something came from it. how selfish. if they only knew.