gray or blue.

yesterday marked one year of being with some guy that I love.

"I finally know why I said 'you look beautiful in the dark' all those months ago."
"Why?"
"Because the light from outside your window was hitting your face and made these beautiful shadows near your eyes and mouth. And you were so close to me and it was just exactly where I wanted to be"

I only say true things more than once.

I realized that for the first time in my whole life, I have more than two truly great girl friends.

This never seemed like a necessary thing in my life that I was missing. I've always had Jill and Danielle and then maybe one other but the rest of my confidants were always guys.

I never realized what I was missing.
SO THERE'S THAT.

In other news, my interview went well.
So now I wait.

My chest feels full. I feel weighed down with his worries but I don't mind. I really never believed I could love some one this much right now. I know I say that a lot, but its because its true.

I only say true things more than once.

[I still get a kick outta you calling me your best friend.]

[I still get a kick outta you calling me your best friend.]

Sunday Kind of Love

Last night for a fleeting moment, "what could be" flashed before my eyes. and I liked what I saw.

The single cup of jungle juice I drank went straight to my head. That coupled with a strange happiness that seemed to come out of nowhere.

I've never really just wanted to be near someone just because they're that someone until now. I mean, not really.

THIS IS ME ANNOYED.

I AM SO SICK OF GEN-EDS.

My one solace is the script analysis class I TA for.
I am learning more in that class than anything else.

[other than sign language. duh]

I JUST WANT TO BE A THEATRE MAJOR THAT TAKES THEATRE MAJOR CLASSES.

ooh la la by faces [theme song of the moment]

The greatest thinkers and writers only become the greatest thinkers and writers through turmoil and angst. If you're actually happy and fulfilled that, my friends is when things get tricky.

My sociology professor said something along those lines.
then I said that to myself as I tried to wipe the grin off my face when though I was coughing and my nose was running.

I'm doing good work in the play.
My relationship is the easiest thing in the world.
It isn't raining or snowing.

I am happy. Really, honestly happy. And all it took was for me to say everything on my mind and to go to acupuncture.

writers block maybe?

The cereal aisle blurred in front of me as I reached towards the Honey Comb to steady myself.
"You alright dear?" an older man asked skeptically.
He probably things I'm drunk, I thought to myself as I took a deep breath and nodded my head.
I wasn't in fact drunk, but I felt like I needed to sit down.


I haven't been able to write. Its not for lack of trying, I have been trying. I just don't feel as good as I use to after I write. Perhaps its ever since things that were staggeringly real to me were called out as unrealistic in the realm of writing.

This morning I found myself curled into a ball, wearing a big t-shirt and feeling utterly content. He walked in and looked at me that way that he does.
"I love you" he whispered.

My surroundings spun again as I made the long journey two blocks home.