open sesame

it felt as though my heart was pounding in my temple as I approached the door leading into that hallway.
exactly a year ago I could be found in that very hallway, acting as though I owned the place.
I did.
Now, I was a guest.
I hugged people I missed and awkwardly stood outside the door.
Staring, hoping

then it opened.

after nearly three months of barely speaking you walked out of the door. Your hair was short and the curls were gone. You looked like a man, but not mine.
there was no rush to my system, no hot burning hands, no in love.

I did however feel my heart race as I felt all the old rush into me. The things I use to say all the time, the same tired jokes I made, the way I threw my head back and laughed in a very particular way.
these are the things I missed.
and later,
you moved closer next to me and laid your head on my lap in a very deliberate way. not to make me love, not to make me feel, but just to remind me.

it did.
but that rush, those burning hands, they can happen elsewhere.

however,


always yours,
Sarah