SO,

I figured it out. 

When I'm in Southern California I feel like the best version of myself. I feel smart and attractive and interesting and worth everyone's time. 

When I'm in Ashland I feel like a slug. I feel ugly and moody and stupid and not worth anyone's time. 


So.

Where does that leave me? 

I am going to bust my balls for this BFA, learn as much as I can and go back to the sun. 

Only six more months, then three in the sun/Europe, then back to the the cold for three and then to the sun for a month and then back for six and maybe more if I end up doing the internship. 

That's anywhere between fifteen and nineteen months. 

Can I do that?  

We'll see.