maybe it was that fucking old fiddle of yours.

the fact that in certain aspects of the work I've done this summer is gold and some of it is chicken shit just goes to show how inconsistent I am. I hate the fact that the one emotion I cannot tap into is one of love and comfort. It just doesn't happen. If I truly follow the technique that my acting teacher as taught us, I am suppose to go with immediate gut reactions.
My gut reaction when someone tells me he loves me in a scene is to laugh at him. its awkward and not true. and even if hes trying to make it true, trying to convey actually love, I'm not buying what hes selling. I can tell it frustrates my acting teacher and the amount it frustrates me is insurmountable.

I need some seasoning or something because I am bitter.

that much is clear.
*and the truth of the matter is before this all happened you were different.