that one is 'everest'.

Yesterday I bought myself a massage.
I've always felt odd undressing for a table. There was a moment of panic when my eyes darted around the dimly-lit room in search of a surface to put my clothes. One would think there would be a little stool or a chair. There always is a little chair that in any normal circumstance would be far too small for a human to sit on but in the spa world was made to put ones clothes.
I decided to crumple my clothes into a ball and awkwardly shove them in a closet with no hangers.
nothing was logical.

The first thing the masseuse said to me after feeling my back was, "You have wounds that are like mountains all over your back. It would take hours to repair all of your wounds."
As I'm laying there on the table, face in that little hole all I could think of is, "what is your definition of a wound my friend?"
She made it sound as though she would be taking a shovel and digging it into my back to create a more even landscape.
My mind was racing the entire time. All I could think about was how much my jaw hurt, how hungry I was, why my masseuse was wearing flip flops and socks, that I could still feel the effects of my pain medication, that I needed new jeans, that my hair was going to look gross after this, and that my stupid clothes were in a heap in the closet.
that was when I turned everything off.
I had made so much progress just being with myself I couldn't take five steps back.
As important as it is for me to be in tune, its almost more important for me to be out of tune.